Regret
by PieceOfShit96
Summary: Otis realizes something from his past and makes a very final decision. Adi (OC) has to save him from himself.
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't believe it when she had found him there. She just screamed and cried and held him until help came.

She had found him in the bathtub, wrists slit and bleeding everywhere. She knew exactly what had brought it on.

A few days ago, she had found him purging in the bathroom, fingers down his throat. She had yelled at him to stop, and made him confess what he was that upset about that he was starting to abuse himself again. He admitted that he had cum every time he had been raped, and that he thought that his suffering didn't matter, was negated by this fact. He asserted that he must have wanted it because he had done that, right? He had to have wanted that assault if his body had reacted like he reacted to pleasure. He had to have. He was nothing but a mess and a piece of shit and he must have wanted all that torture that he had gone through. None of it was actually abuse; he had wanted it. It couldn't have been rape if he had wanted it. All that pain, everything was a lie. he was just a little bitch. Worthless, weak piece of shit.

God, he was so upset. It had broken her heart to see him that way, and to think that he could have come to that conclusion just based on a biological fact that he couldn't control. He was so angry at himself and hated himself so much for that fact. He was disgusting, he had said.

She had explained medically why it had happened; the fault in male anatomy that forced that to happen. But he still blamed himself.

To top that off, Cutter had visited, and he and Otis had gotten into a spat. In his rage, Cutter revealed to the entire family that he had assaulted Otis, twisting the tale to make it sound like Otis had enjoyed it, had wanted it. She had had to straighten things out and explain what had really happened.

Apparently, that put him over the edge.

All his life, so long as he maintained that he hadn't enjoyed it, that it was abuse and he hadn't wanted it, he could deal with it. It was a burden, but he didn't want it. But now, in his mind, he had signaled to the people abusing him that he had enjoyed it, so they had continued. Again and again and again. It was his fault. The suffering had been his fault. He had been told often enough that he must have enjoyed it, so what if he actually had? What if he was just being a baby and couldn't accept that he had enjoyed it because of the fear?

And Cutter, on top of everything. He had never wanted anyone to know about that. Adoria knew, but that was because Cutter had revealed it to her against Otis's will, too. Otis really did blame himself for that one- he had put himself in the situation both times. Both were entirely too intimate for him to willingly tell anyone about. He thought he would keep that secret to the grave.

She should have known that he couldn't just accept it. He couldn't accept that it wasn't his fault, that he truly didn't enjoy it, and the feelings he had all along about it were okay, it was abuse. It was terrible. She should have known.

He couldn't deal with it. Couldn't deal with it alone, and he didn't want to talk to her about it anymore. He felt filthy, just hearing the words come out of his mouth. He couldn't let her be tied down by him. He was an anchor, and she deserved better. So, so much better. He didn't want her to have to deal with his shit anymore. She had to be tired of it. He was sick of it.

She had come home and hadn't gone upstairs right away, talking to Baby for a bit. When she went upstairs, she didn't see him at his usual spot, working on something, so she wandered into the bathroom and found him.

He had drawn water in the tub and just gotten in, clothes on. He figured the water would dilute the blood so she wouldn't have as much of a mess to clean up. She had already dealt with enough shit from him.

She wasn't angry with him...Many people filled themselves with fury after a loved one attempted suicide. Many of filled themselves with guilt. She just hurt for him. She knew he was hurting over the ordeal. He had to have been. But she didn't know how badly. And she blamed herself for not pressing on with him more, for taking the more hands-off approach that had worked in the past. He had always come to her, in the end. Not this time.

Waking up, he felt someone's hand in his. He wondered if he was still alive or if he had actually succeeded at one thing in his life.

He opened his eyes and saw her sitting there. His little angel, his only hope he had ever had. Her eyes were red and puffed, like she had been crying. She had one of his hands in both of hers, staring at him. He wondered if she still loved him. If she would leave him now because the depths of just how deeply he was affected by his past were revealed. It was a lie that he hadn't done anything right in his life- he had. Her. She was he best thing he had ever had, and the best decision he had ever made was opening up to her. She loved him unconditionally. Well, at least she had.

She stood and leaned over him, taking his face in her hands and kissing him.

"What did you do to yourself, you silly man?" She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs, looking into his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

She stroked his face as he came around more and more. God, what did he do to deserve this kind of love?

"Come on, baby." She kissed his forehead. She felt his arms around her back and smiled. "Hey, sweetie."

"Thought...thought you'd leave."

"No, you silly man...No..." She nuzzled his face, sweetly, lightly kissing his cheek as she did. "Are you just trying to test me to see what will make me leave? Because you're going to be searching your whole life for that, Otis." She kissed him again, sitting down beside him on the bed. "If you want me to leave, just say so. But I'd rather you stop worrying that I'll leave every time you tell me something or have a bout with yourself. I'm not going to leave my silly man." She kissed him again, stroking his hair out of his face and laying down on his chest.

"I love you..."

"I love you too...Goddamn, Otis I thought I was going to lose you..."

"That was the goal..."

Tears streaked down her face and she fisted the hospital gown draped over his chest. "No!"

"Hn?"

She sat up, staring him in the face. "No! You don't get to leave me, Otis!" Tears fell freely from her eyes.

"You...you deserve so much better than me. Aren't you tired of dealing with my shit? Dealing with this asshole that's all gruff and tumble and so fuckin' weak on the inside?"

"No! You don't get to make that decision for me!"

He could only stare at her.

"I'm not tired of you! You're not weak and you're not fuckin' broken! Don't you understand that? How many times do I have to tell you you're the strongest person I've ever met. You made it through what you did, Otis. That's so incredible...I...I can't imagine going through all that you did and coming through with the strength that you have. I'm not tired of dealing with it. I promise, I'm not. I just wish you didn't have to tell me that stuff, because I wish you didn't have to go through it. But don't you ever think I'm tired of dealing with your baggage, Otis. I love you, and I love you all the more for all you've gone through. You're not gruff and tumble on the outside and weak on the inside. You're not fuckin' weak. You're not. God DAMMIT Otis, you fuckin' know that! You've said it yourself! I know you're so ashamed that everyone found out about Cutter. But they're so mad at him, Otis. They're not disgusted with you. They think it's horrible what he did. They don't think any less of you, they think less of him. They think more of you for being able to keep it a secret and not show them how much you were hurting. I KNOW that. They hurt for you. I know you're ashamed of it. But there's no reason to be. It wasn't. Your. Fault. And that thing that we talked about before? About you thinking you enjoyed it? I told you that doesn't matter. I fucking told you the medical reason for it. I'm a doctor. Will you fucking listen to me?!" She pounded on the bed beside his shoulders. "It doesn't mean _anything!_ Please! Listen to me! It doesn't mean you enjoyed it! It doesn't mean you wanted it! It means you were raped!" She broke into sobs. "You _idiot!_ You fucking _idiot!_ I could have _lost_ you!" She pounded on his chest. "I could have lost you..."

"Mama..." He murmured. She looked up at him. "I...I'm sorry..."

"No...I'm sorry...I...I should have pried it out of you. I should have made you talk to me about it. I knew something was wrong, but you always come to me. Why didn't you come to me, Otis?"

"I...I was just...too embarrassed...too ashamed. I...I just...I feel so dirty about it...and...and so..." He cringed. "I didn't want to talk about it."

"I would rather you have felt uncomfortable about it than have had you do this."

"I'm sorry..."

"You stop that." She kissed him. "I just don't ever want to lose you. Please, please don't make me. Don't make me relearn what life is like without you. You're my life now, Otis. You are my future. Don't you take that away from me."

"I'm sorry..."

"Stop, you silly, silly man." She kissed him sweetly and passionately. "I love you...I love you, I love you, I love you." She laid back down on his chest, settling as she felt his arm around her again.


	3. Chapter 3

Otis and Adoria sat in the hospital room together in silence. She was just resting her head on his chest, extremely thankful for the fact that he was still here. He stroked her back, thankful for the same thing, but a different reason.

"Please don't ever try to leave me again..."

"Okay, mama. Okay..."

"You need to talk things out with me instead of just hiding them...Please, Otis...Please..."

"Okay...You know that's not easy for me."

"Yeah, well losing you sure as hell wouldn't have been easy for me. Did you think about that?"

He swallowed heavily. "N...no...I...I thought you would be better off without me..."

"What?"

"I just weigh you down, don't I? You deserve so much more than I can give you."

She sat up again. Oh shit, another lecture.

"The fuck did you just say, Otis?"

"You heard me."

"You do not weigh me down. I have never, ever been happier with a person in my entire life. I love you, Otis. When will you learn to accept that? When will you learn that you deserve that? Huh? You...You do not weigh me down, baby. You have encouraged me to do things that I never would have done, and never thought I could do. Because you believe in me that I can do them. Why do you think I deserve better and you don't? You do. You deserve more than I can ever give you. And don't you deny me on that. I love you. You are my Otis. You will never be not my Otis as long as I am alive. Please, baby...Stop beating yourself up so much."

He sighed through his nose, looking up at the ceiling.

"Please, please, Otis..."

"Okay...Okay."

She kissed him. "I couldn't live the rest of my life without those kisses..."

He smiled slightly. She always knew how to make him smile. No matter what.

Later in the day, Mother Firefly, Baby and Rufus stood at the foot of his bed. He swallowed heavily. He was dreading this conversation.

He squeezed Adoria's hand, looking at his family.

"Otis...Why didn't you tell us, baby?" Mother Firefly asked.

He shook his head. "You took me in. I wasn't about to cause a riff in your family...I was so humiliated...I didn't want anyone to know."

"We don't think any less of you, Otis...It's not your fault." Baby sighed.

"We think less of him, though..." Rufus muttered.

"Daddy said you got him back a little, though...Kicked the shit out of him." Baby offered.

"Yeah, I did..."

"Good. He deserved it." Baby growled.

"We were all pretty pissed at the way he twisted it." Rufus grumbled.

Otis snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, that was fucked up..."

Adoria balked. He seemed so casual about it. That was his way of hiding how much pain he was actually in. "I got them straightened out, though, Otis. I told them what actually happened."

"I figured..." He rubbed his face. _Probably with quite a few more details than I would have included._ He thought.

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "It's okay." She whispered in his ear.

"Please understand it wasn't your fault sweetie. We really wish you would have told us...We...We would have understood..."

"I didn't want you to know because it was humiliating."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Otis." Mother Firefly retorted. "It's a horrible thing you had to go through. You should be proud. You were so strong for so long on your own. You're still so strong...I don't know how you got through that on your own...Just like when you were a little boy...I have no idea how you got through that...You're such an incredible man, Otis." Mother Firefly rested her hand on his.

Adoria smiled widely at Mother Firefly. She knew she could tell Otis that until she was blue in the face, but hearing it from her was completely different.

"We all think you're strong. We had no idea you were struggling with anything. We just wish we could have helped ease the burden a little." Rufus spoke.

"Otis...when I found out I just cried and cried and cried...I couldn't believe he had done that to you...You never acted like anything was wrong...I can't imagine how you suffered..." Baby sighed.

Adoria knew Otis was getting anxious. The attention focused on him was one thing, but focused on such a dark part of his past was another. She motioned to Baby to stop, and Baby sat on the edge of his bed, smiling. Otis raised an eyebrow.

"Can I help you?"

"You're ticklish. I know you are."

Otis jerked away from her. "I'll fucking end your life, Angel-Baby. I hate that."

"I know. I just wanted you to move your feet so I could sit better."

They talked casually, trying to alleviate the tension. Mother Firefly still fawned over Otis, much to he and Adi's dismay. He just didn't want to be fondled over like that. She knew it would agitate him and could possibly make him anxious.

Finally, when they left, he rested his head back on the pillow again, sighing.

"Hey." She took his head in her hands, making him look at her. "I'm so, so proud of you. You did so well with that...I'm so proud of you. You're so strong...and did you hear what Mother Firefly said? You're an amazing man. See? It's not just me that thinks so. So can you please stop being so hard on yourself?" She kissed him.

He was trying, God knows he was trying.


	4. Chapter 4

She had had to work that day, even though she had begged and begged to not have to be called in. She hated to leave him, but she had to.

She passed by his room one time or another and saw that his bed was empty and there was a nurse standing at his door.

"Uhm...Where is this patient?" She asked. The nurse was a gorgeous woman, and she wasn't ready to give away the fact that Otis was her boyfriend, in case she had to use it later. She hadn't pissed her off yet; she didn't need to be a bitch.

"He's in the shower." She smirked, licking her lips.

 _Oh, you bitch. That hot piece of albino ass in there is MINE._ She thought as she walked away.

Passing by another time, she saw him hooked up to electrodes on his chest. She knew the nurse was using it as an excuse to touch him, to look at him. It was no secret that Otis had a nice body, especially to her. It was no secret that he was absolutely gorgeous. But he was hers. A fact that this bitch would find out soon enough.

When she was on her break, Adi beelined to Otis's room, standing outside for a moment to listen. She knew that bitch was in there.

She heard her sickening bubble-gum giggle. "You sure are handsome, Mr. Driftwood."

Otis cleared his throat. "Er..."

"I bet you work real hard, don'tcha. Workin' on big things."

"I...I mean...I work on cars..."

"Ooh! So you lift a lot of heavy things, huh?"

"Heavy to you, probably."

She giggled. "Yeah, probably. I need a big strong man. I'm a heroine that needs defending."

She heard Otis chuckle.

"I don't know. You seem like you can hold your own."

"Oh, but it sure would be nice to have a big...strong man to take care of me, you know?"

Adi stepped into his room, smirking.

"Hey, baby." He smiled. There was her reassurance. He didn't smile like that at anyone else.

She moved to stand by his side, resting her hand on his chest, which was still bare, and kissing him. "Where's your shirt, babe?"

"I-" Otis began.

"He was hot. So he left it off." The nurse answered.

"He's always cold." Adi deadpanned.

Otis's head whipped back and forth, looking at either woman as they were speaking.

Adi's lip curled as she rested a hand on Otis's shoulder.

"Uhm, baby-"

"He needed an EKG."

"No he didn't." Adi growled.

Otis's eyes went wide. He had never seen her like this. God, it was hot. She was jealous. She was fucking jealous of this stupid nurse who had been flirting with him. He hadn't even been flirting back; He wasn't in the mood. But she was jealous.

The nurse smirked defiantly and rested her hand on Otis's opposite shoulder. Otis spun his head to look at her. "You need anything, you just let me know."

"He's got everything he needs. He's _mine._ Get out."

Swinging her hips, the nurse exited.

"Fuckin' bitch mother fucker-"

"Adi."

She turned to look at him.

"Do you honestly think she even holds a candle to you?"

"I don't care. She needs to understand that you're _taken._ You are mind and I'm not giving you up any time soon."

"I would have thought that if she had a brain the kiss as soon as you walked in would have given her a hint."

"I'm sorry. I just...I want people to know you're mine. I get jealous..."

He chuckled. "I'm flattered."

"Hm?"

"It warms my cold, dead heart that you get that flustered when another woman is flirting with me."

"I was gonna flip that bitch."

He laughed outright. "Over me?"

"Yes, over you! I worked hard to get you! I love you so much..."

He smirked. Admittedly, it did feel good to know she got jealous. He knew it was a bit childish, but to see her react like that to another woman fawning over him did him good. It made him realize that maybe he was a first place medal rather than a consolation prize, at least to her.

"That was...insanely hot, mama."

She smirked. "Oh, yeah?" She climbed onto the bed, straddling him.

"Oh, god..."

She kissed him, letting her hands roam his chest as he let his roam her torso, setting on her ass. She heard him groan deep in his throat. "You thought that was hot, huh?"

"Yeah, mama." He managed to get out in between kisses.

"Well, I think you're hot." She smiled, kissing him lightly as she got off of him.

"Wait, wait!"

"Break's over, baby. I'll be back later."

Otis groaned. She had used that as a lesson on his self-esteem. He didn't want to think, he just wanted to fuck.


	5. Chapter 5

Otis lay in bed, wondering when he would get out of this fucking place. He hated hospitals. The sterile environment wasn't his home, and he desperately wanted to be home.

She came in after her shift and sat with him, holding his hand.

"Baby...let me change those bandages...They probably need it."

He seemed wary. He didn't want her to see what he had done to himself. He wasn't ready for that yet. "Er...that's alright."

"No, come on..."

"They're fine. You're tired. Just sit with me."

"Otis, come on."

"No."

"Let me take a look."

"I said no."

"Your bandages probably could use a changing, baby. I don't want those to get infected."

"I...I don't want you to see."

"What?"

He sighed. "I don't want you to see this..."

"Otis...It's not the first time I've seen a suicide attempt."

"No, but...I..."

She stroked his hair. "Come on, baby..."

"No, mama. I don't want you to see this..." His face reddened slightly. There was no hiding when an albino was embarrassed.

"Baby...Don't be ashamed...Stop feeling so much shame over these things...Please..."

"No. Because I already know you blame yourself...and I...I don't want you to see this...I don't want you to see what I did..."

"I'm the one who found you, Otis."

He cringed. "Yeah...I know." Guilt swelled in his gut. He felt awful that she had been the one to have found him. He didn't want anyone to find him. "I just...Please, just let it go...I...You're tired...And I don't want you to see."

She sighed. "Okay...I'll get another nurse..." She seemed so dejected.

"Mm...Adi...I...I...Okay, okay..." He sighed. He didn't really want anyone to do it, but she stressed him the least.

"Okay. Let me get the stuff."

She left and returned with her supplies, settling to work on him.

"Okay. Let me see."

He hesitated and then rested his arm in front of her. She slowly undid the bandages, watching him grimace as she tore away the crusted blood.

She bit her lip when she saw the stitches. "God, baby...You were so angry at yourself..." She ghosted her fingers over the wounds. He hissed in pain as she did, biting his tongue. She looked up at his face. She broke his heart; she as so sad, her eyes holding so much pain. "Wow...you really fucked yourself up, baby..."

He looked into her eyes, hesitant. He hoped she wasn't upset with him.

She averted her gaze and cleaned and wrapped his wrists back up again, resting a hand on his cheek. "You were so angry..."

"...Yeah..."

"You shouldn't be angry at yourself, baby...None of that is your fault..."

"You could say that a hundred times...and it wouldn't matter."

She kissed his cheek. "Then I'll just say it until you believe it."

He sighed. "Okay, mama. But I wouldn't waste your breath."

"You are not. A waste. Of breath. And I will love you until the last of mine."

He smiled softly, accepting a kiss from her.

Otis was fucking bored to hell.

He had sat there for days. His family came in intermittently, but they all treated him like he was such a fragile little creature. He hated it. He wasn't fragile. He was just extremely frustrated. Why couldn't they understand that? There was no way in hell he would tell them about the other reason he had attempted the act...That was way, way too intimate for them to know. He hadn't wanted Adi to know. It made him feel too disgusting. Baby seemed to understand his motives, as she didn't quite treat him with such fragility as Rufus and Mother Firefly. He somewhat understood Mother Firefly, too. He was her son, and she was scared. Adi understood, but she was still pretty upset over finding him. He felt relatively alone...He knew it was bullshit. They were all there for him, but he felt guilty about what he had done. Felt like it was an act for attention. It wasn't, but that's how it seemed to him now that he had survived. He didn't want to do this to Adi. To make her live with that image in her head of him lying in the bathtub. He supposed he should have considered that before acting on his anger, but he hadn't. He was selfish. That was it. He felt selfish. He had done this to her...He had upset her like this. He had never intended to hurt her.

And then there was that fucking nurse.

Any company was alright with Otis at this point. It distracted him from his thoughts. But she was just fucking annoying.

She was fine when she wasn't trying to flirt with him, but she usually was.

"Oh, sweetie. Why were you so sad?"

"I don't really want to discuss that."

"Why, baby? It'll make you feel better, I bet."

"Yeah, but, uh...not with you. Sorry."

"Oh, don't be embarrassed about it. A big strong man like you...I'm sure it was something really terrible..." She fingered his collarbone. "I think it's sexy. Someone like you showing emotion...Showing he can be not okay, too." She twirled his hair around her finger. He tried desperately to ignore her.

"I don't know about all that..." He muttered.

"Well, I do." She grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him. He tried to jerk back, away from her, but she had him trapped.

Adi had seen it. She had seen him try to resist her, which was a comfort, but she was pissed.

"Uh, excuse me." Adi spook, aggressive.

The nurse pulled away. Otis's eyes were wide with pure fear. Her lipstick was smeared on his face.

"Adi! I didn't-"

"I know, Otis. I saw it." She grabbed the nurse by the scrubs. "You, bitch. Stay the fuck away from him. Or I will have you fired so fast they'll drag your whore ass out of here by your shitty fucking extensions." She wasn't even an inch away from the other woman's face as she spoke. "We've been together almost three years, and I'll be god damned if you can convince him out of our relationship. I promise you, he would never leave me. And I would never leave him. He's a good man. But you don't deserve that. You fuckin' whore." She shoved her away, releasing her. "Get out of my sight."

The nurse skittered away.

Otis looked back at her, still wide-eyed. "Adi, I swear to god-"

"Otis, relax. I know. I saw you try to jerk away." She shut the door to his room, locking it.

"Huh?"

She straddled him, kissing him passionately, grinding her hips against his.

He groaned. "O...Oh god...Please..."

"Mm...I want to fucking gut her..." She murmured. "I want to string her intestines up like fucking Christmas lights. In fact, I want to stream Christmas lights through them and string them up and light them."

"Nn...What else?"

She should have known talking about brutalizing the woman would turn Otis on. "I want to cut her head off and put it on a spit. I want to stab her until she doesn't look human anymore.

"Go on..."

She kissed him. "And I want to put it in our room so she has to watch us fuck." She stripped her clothes off and made love to him in the hospital bed. It was slightly awkward, trying to balance on the small bed as she rode him. She loved the small whimpers of pleasure she could elicit from him. She kissed his neck, working her way down to his collarbone, pulling the hospital gown to the side, suckling on the pale flesh. He fisted her hair and returned her head to his neck. She had to stiffle a laugh at him. He wanted what he wanted.

When they were both panting, she rolled off of him, all but falling on the floor.

"You're mine." She kissed him before she exited.

Damn right he was.


End file.
